After ruminating on the decision I knew that I didn't want to drink to alter my state, escape, numb out, or run. I wanted to be able to drink occasionally, end of story. It was the lack of excitement about it that was promising to me. I wasn't itching for a swig. I knew that if I tried it again and it didn't go well, that I could always go back to sobriety. That method would always be there for me as a tool. 

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